Raise your hand if you have ever watched a movie about someone who was dying, in the hospital, on a ventilator, and the patients husband was conflicted about whether to take her off life support. Keep your hand up if you yelled at the screen "pull the plug you dummy, no one wants to live like that", OR "don't give up, keep trying, she might make it".
I recently cared for 2 patients right next door to each other in the hospital who had both had extensive strokes. Betty is 75 and lives with her daughter. She has been pretty independent prior to admission although declining somewhat over the last 6 months. The stroke affected her ability to speak and eat, she is now pretty much confined to bed, and is not interacting with family. Her doctors are telling her daughter it is unlikely that she will recover to her previous state of health. They want to know if she would want a feeding tube.
Bill is 62 and had been pretty healthy until he had a sudden stroke and is now completely unresponsive, his kidneys are failing and dialysis has been started. He has a tracheostomy tube as well as a feeding tube. His wife tells us he would not want to live like this but his kids refuse to give up on him and she does not want to go against his kids. She is now faced with having to make a decision to transfer him to a facility that can take care of a patient with a trach, a feeding tube, and also be able to do dialysis or get hospice involved and stop dialysis and the tube feedings.
There are no right and wrong answers in these scenarios. What IS important is that your family knows what you would want. Don't tell them to "pull the plug". It's rarely that simple a decision. Don't tell them "you will know what is the right thing to do for me", they often do not. You can make a very hard time easier by having "the talk" ahead of time. Identify what is an acceptable quality of life to you and what sorts of things you don't want done.
Betty's daughter was pretty sure her mom had lived a good life and was "ready to go". She did not get a feeding tube. She went to an inpatient hospice facility and died surrounded by her family 7 days after she left the hospital. Bill was transferred to a facility that could care for him. It is not real close to his wife. She visits when she can. His kids are still hopeful that he will get better.