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02/26/2014

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Jan

Carol, please don't try to second guess your timing. As you said, you did your best and in the end that is all we can do for our loved ones. Be there to hold hands and say "I love you."

GailNHB

Tired body and full heart? What more could you ask for?
You gave her everything you could based on what you knew and felt at the time, every step of the way.
Around here, we say, "All you can do is the best you can do."
And it sounds like that is exactly what you did.
May you find rest for your body and peace for your mind and soul - and soon.

Susie LaFond

Carol, that each of you had time with your Mom is a gift, life always seems to give us the 'other side of the coin' when things can't be changed and the 'what if's' can be and feel heart wrenching. In these past few months your gentle, straight-forward, day to day insights of what was going on with your Mom are so much more than some people do for their parents in a lifetime. The doubts can linger but I'd say you and your family did everything right, as right as this kind of thing can be. That you are sharing this all here offers so many of us the gift of insight. Hand holding and saying 'I love you' are very good medicine.

Leslie J. Moran

The end of life is such an unpredictable and ultimately personal thing. Unlike the beginning of life, with it's normal growth patterns (should we be lucky),at the end of life, we have no way of knowing what will come tomorrow. Living, as you did, in the moment, with heartfelt grace and love was the very best of care. You respected and preserved your Mum's dignity to the very end. Each of you did your job admirably. No regrets.

Janet Ghio

Who can predict or guess what will happen? "woulda, shoudas-hindsight 20/20. You and the other kids gave her a great quality of life--no second guessing on that. I meant to tell you the other day that mary Ann had a photo on her blog and when I saw it, I could see that you look a lot like Angie when she was younger.

Joan

You have a beautiful , caring family. Your words have a ripple affect. I thank you.

Joanne

Angie died knowing she was loved!!! How amazing and perfect is that.

Linda Watson

Oh, Carol. Having gone through this with my mom, I was continually in awe how absolutely beautifully you took care of Angie. Absolutely beautifully. The love and care you had for her was palpable - right off the computer screen and into my heart. I would shake my head, saying, oh, I remember that, I remember that and realizing that it really is all of it, birth, life, death part of a much bigger pattern. You did fantastic. Tell those regrets "thanks, I appreciate your concerns" and continue to grieve, to miss her, and to celebrate her life. Look at those photos! What joy. Thank you for sharing all of this with us.

Chelsy

Oh my gosh, so beautiful.

Michele R. Unger

Your beautiful mother raised amazing children. Huzzah for Angie!

XO

Joan

This is the best case scenario for anyones end of life. She died having all her kids with her knowing she was loved. That's the best passing gift you could have given her...all of you.

Your reruns of her "moments" will make you laugh and cry...it's ALL good. The sense of loss will ease with time, it's a process that must be gone through at whatever pace you need.

Rest assured that you did everything possible to make her comfortable and cared for. That's enough for anyone.

Loretta

I really appreciate your analysis, Carol. And hindsight is 20/20. As you said, you spent a lot of time with her and exchanged your love for each other many, many times.

We went through a subtler decline with my mother. She had someongoing anxiety issues for the last 5 years of her life and it was on the upswing in the last six months. Unfortunately, she was having heart issues that her doctor chalked up to anxiety. I spent months after she died unexpectedly beating myself, my sisters, and myself up in my mind as to what we did not notice and what we did not force her to do.

Your analysis chart would have been very helpful to us while we were floundering with what to do and how much to push her to see doctors.

Amy in Texas

Full hearts are a good thing.

Judy H.

You did a GOOD job these last months. I'm glad for all of you that you got to spend time with her toward the end of life. That was most important for her and for all of you. xoxo

Violet Cadburry

Thank you for your diagram. It helped me put into perspective the deaths of my parents. When you are living it, you don't know the graph line won't go up again. And how desperately you think it just might. Death is final but cannot take everything, it isn't that powerful, it does not obliterate our love or erase our memories.

bobby

Beautiful words Carol.. your feelings about having hospice come in earlier are a natural part of grief I think... We always think what if...? But you know you did the very best you could at the time and that is all we can ever hope to achieve... xo Enjoying sharing the love with you in these posts... Bobby

Leslie Gardiner

Carol, What beautiful pictures you have shared with us here of you and your family. They radiate your love for each other. I add my sincere condolences to you and your wonderful family on the loss of your dear Angie. Leslie

Caatje

My sympathies and condolances with your the loss of your mum. If anything I think you were an amazing daughter to her and it's wonderful how you all got to spend time with her in her last days. Nothing is more important than that. Wishing you strenght and love in these difficult times.

Mary

There's no question your mom felt all your love! She was very lucky to have caring and loving children!

Maria Cook

I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. Looking back it is always easy to find something one would have done differently. Your mother always looked happy in her pictures. She was surrounded by love and care. Not all that many people can say that.
with great affection....

Rhonda H.

This is a beautiful post. We saw the same rapid decline in my stepmom who died this last January. I think it is a lot more rapid of a decline than anyone had realized. Liked your chart.
But it gladdens my heart so much that you ALL had a chance to go spend time with Angie. I am sure it helped you (all) as much as it pleased her. And it was so nice you documented it all so well.
Sending hugs...

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My name is carol...

  • I live in Kansas.
  • I write tall tales.
  • I tell about stuff that happened to me.
  • Most of it is true.