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I'm so grateful for these bits of advice. It's heartbreaking that many people dying are not provided a comfortable, non-invasive environment and path from well-meaning family members. There's so much I don't know about life, and death, and I'm always grateful when others share from their area of expertise. I feel I'm always wondering, 'What else don't I know?'
I agree about food being a celebration of life and family. I feel an overwhelming sense of joy when my very picky toddler finally, finally eats a meal heartily. I tear up, enjoying just watching her eat. I get a similar feeling looking at those pictures of Angie. One of my favorite posts of yours is when (and I can't remember specifics) you told Angie to enjoy eating her frozen yogurt, not to worry about it.
Thank you, and I'm also glad Angie enjoyed her favorite foods while she could.

Geraldine Rudolph

I found your blog via Mary Ann's, and one of the first posts I read of yours was about your mom. I probably have the details mixed up, but it was about Angie asking you to make her some cookies. She really had a taste for them, and she told you, "Oh, and Carol, better make it a double batch." Your stories about Angie have struck a chord in my heart as I am reminded of the funny, funny things my mom would say. You are such a good girl, from a remarkable family. Bless your heart, Carol; bless your heart.

Judy H.

Thank you for sharing this important information from both your work experience and personal experience. These are things that I don't know but need to know about end of life care. I appreciate it.


Oh Carol...I admire you for posting these extremely helpful stories about end of life care. When my dearest friend Tom was dying, he wanted a Christmas Goose...it was all he talked about for weeks. So...Phil & I drove from our home in Corona, CA to San Diego to make him a Christmas goose. Tom's partner, Eddie, stayed with Tom in the care center while Phil & I cooked & we transported the dinner to Tom. As we were eating, we had some wine & gave Tom some 7-Up...and he asked why he couldn't have wine instead. So...wine it was! He thoroughly enjoyed his last Christmas dinner...even from his bed...and it was one of the least filling but best Christmas dinners we ever had, too.

Sherry Green Peck

I follow your blog ever since I met you through Mary Ann's blog when you did the sketch wars, then the retreats (I keep in touch with my sister more because of your sister love) and have enjoyed your blog so much, plus sharing Angie with us. I lost my Mom ten yrs ago too and feel your words. I so loved the "C" on the bowls! Those priceless little tidbits is what heals our soul. I still hang on to silly things that either smell like her or that she wrote before her stroke....what a treasure Moms are...you are a treasure too!


I always enjoyed your food posts when Angie asked for something special and you didn't hesitate making and delivering it to her. Then she would tell you how good it was. Such a wonderful relationship.


Carol, I only wish I'd had your wisdom and knowledge over the last 5 years. When my mother in law was dying and we were not sure if "this is it" or what was going on, we requested to see her doctor. He was not happy to be summoned and bluntly said in front of her, although she was unconsciousness, that she had about two weeks left. He wanted our permission to insert a feeding tube so it would be "easier for us" not to see her starve to death. Every instinct we had said no, and within less than 24 hours, she died. I can't imagine the sorrow we would have felt at putting her through that procedure while she had less than a day to live. Someone needs to write a book about all this - I nominate you with your practical and loving wisdom.

Sharon W.

Carol.......honestly, I agree that you should consider doing a book to help people in situtions similar to the one you and your family just faced. I went through a similar experience with my mother in 1996, and I would have been so grateful for the information you have shared with us. You have medical expertise and personal experience. But more important, your lovely warm personality comes through even some of those tough topics. I think Angie might be happy to know that--through you--her experiences and wisdom are available for all of us. Love and best wishes..............


I'm learning so much from you in regards to elder care. These are things that people just don't talk openly about and you don't know until you go through it. Much like the whole process of dealing with death itself. I found out when my 20 yr old son died suddenly a few years ago. Now I try to talk openly about what I went through when we found out he had died. I think it helps with the grieving process too.


Thanks so much for sharing! I'm glad you had time to nap, knit, push paint, and generally be. Take care Carol.

Vicki in Michigan

Thank you for shining your light on the path ahead. It's a hard path, but I have to think that knowing what it looks like will make it easier to tread.

Thank you. I feel I'm being given a very kind and generous gift.


Again, Carol, thank you so much for sharing all of this very important info with everyone. I had never even heard of palliative care until my mom needed it. It can be very overwhelming trying to navigate care for your parents and its not uncommon to have to be an advocate and tell professional staff "no". All of the advice you've given has been great.


I love this post Carol, with the humor and wisdom you gently share. One hospice guest, when asked after dinner if he wanted anything else, said he'd like a glass of bourbon. When we asked if he was serious, he said yes and staff explained the doctor/family procedure we'd start. He then said, well if it's that easy, I'd rather have cognac. :-) His sense of humor is still there! and cognac is what was requested.

Isabel Sherwood

You are such a lovely person. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

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