Lies My Mother Told Me
by Elizabeth Thomas
If you keep eating raw spaghetti
you’ll get pinworms,
then I’ll have to make
a necklace of garlic for you to wear
each night while you sleep,
until they go away.
If you’re mean to your younger brother, I’ll know
because I have a special eye
that spies on you when I’m not home.
You cannot hide from it,
so don’t try.
If you touch your “down there”
any time other than when using the toilet,
your hand will turn green and fall off.
If you keep crossing your eyes
they will stay that way
until the wind
It is bad luck to kill a moth. Moths are
the souls of our ancestors and it just
might be Papa paying a visit.
If you kiss a boy on the mouth
your lips will stick together
and he’ll use the opportunity
to suck out your brains.
If you ever lie to me
God will know and
rat you out.
Trust me —
you don’t want that
I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this selection from the Writers Almanac earlier in the week. To this list, I would add these additions from Angie:
1. Eating the crusts on your bread will make you whistle better
2. Don't crack your knuckles, it will make them really big and ugly
3. Only married women are allowed to use tampons
I'll stop there.