two brothers coming to see about their dad

This past week I met some real Kansas men.  They were not cowboys.  They were not farmers.  Just 2 brothers coming to see about their dad.  Coming to find out what needed to be done.  I was in their dad's room at the hospital when they arrived, the one in camouflage coveralls had worked the night shift, so the other in his John Deere hat did the driving. 

We talked about how their dad was dying, and wanted to get home and see his dogs.  Not a word did they say about their lack of training.   It was just understood that what their dad wanted they would do.   We talked about getting hospice set up for services and support.  I asked if they had questions.  The older brother took out his wallet and said  "my Aunt wants to know this".   He handed me a small piece of paper with these questions in neat cursive writing.

1.  How much time does he have?
2.  How can we make him comfortable?
3.  What is the best way to get him home?

We talked about every one of the things on the list.   I did not hem or haw, just gave them straight answers.   No notes were taken.  He tucked the list back in his wallet.   Then they gathered themselves up and headed down the hall.  Side by side.   Two Kansas men.   Going home to get things ready for dad. 

Comments

[Liz in Oregon]

You have left me speechless with this post. I love your heart. Thank you. xxoo

[Leslie J. Moran]

Oh my. I hope they realize how fortunate they were to have you there at that moment. Very poignant, and such important work.

[Angela]

Ah, Carol . . . Strength and compassion extended and received. What an incredible job you do. My heart cracked open. I hope the loved that wafted out found its way to you and the family you cared for today.

[Claire]

such a story... my eyes are too filled with tears to write anymore.

[jeanette, mistress of longears]

I'm sure your work is not easy, but your contribution is immeasurable!

[Nancy in Fair Oaks (California)]

I think this is one of those conversations you will never forget.

[Rhonda]

Thank you for sharing that Carol. It was so honest, so loving... all I can say is Wow.

[Barbara Tarbox]

"I didn't hum or haw", doing that puts the emphasis where it should be, on the patient.
Too often attention to them is taken away by our own selfish needs. You so beautifully
Expressed that death is not about those who are left but about giving comfort and
Care to the loved one. Your words were so profound, thank you.

[Corliss Eden]

This really tugged at my heart this morning just as I was starting to feel a little down. You have put my day in perspective. Beautiful writing.

[Bee Rozatti]

Isn't it wonderful to be in the perfect spot that the Lord would have you be in? Being an extension of Love. And your words slay me. This is what I love about you and your sister Mary Ann, you have layers of embracing what you have--not what you don't have. Best way to live.

[Laure Janus]

Thank you for sharing, Carol. I'm a hospice grief counselor and chaplain and let me just say how much easier you made their life and most importantly, their Dad's life. You listened, you gave them honest information, you held their heart and their hands, and you referred them to hospice, who will hold their heart and hands...and the cycle continues. From the arms of love to the arms of love, to the ultimate arms of love. Thank you for making a difference in countless lives.

[Marianne]

They always say it takes a special person to do a special job, and it's always a blessing when they are matched well.....I do have a heart! I too cried

[Michele R. Unger]

O, Carol, how I feel for them, the family of that dying man. I just spent two days sitting with my sister-in-law as she spent time in the hospital. While our outcome was happy and her situation resolved with a minimum of trouble, I saw others who were obviously going through very difficult times. You wrote about these men so clearly, so compassionately but without any false drama. Thank you for sharing this little moment in that poor family's dark hours.

[Chrissy]

They are brave and they are good. You too!

[linda]

This brought tears to my eyes. I work in an oncology clinic and though sometimes there is compassion fatigue on the employee side, it is so worth it to be able to help others find a small bit of comfort along the journey. Sounds like you were able to offer that and I am sure it was much appreciated.

[Joan]

Such a touching story today. I'm so glad to know people like you are in the world to comfort and love those who need you at such trying times. I know how that man feels about being home to see his dogs. And sons who want to give Dad what he wants...love it, love them for taking him home to die with his loved ones.

[Megan]

Thanks for that Carol! I can see you doing the great job you always do. God Bless.

[Judy H.]

Heartbreaking/heartwarming. Thanks for sharing.

[Pam]

you and the real kansas men made me cry. beautiful post.