"...I am making a shape for my death, so that I, and others, can see it clearly..."

Cory Taylor - Image from The New Yorker

In my day to day work with people who are dying (and their families), I sometimes have conversations with patients about how they are feeling.  On a more existential level.  For example, what is it like to be facing the end of your days.   I don't generally ask that question.  I am more of a side door person.  The conversation often starts by asking if there is anything they want to talk about.  Followed by "are there things you are worried about?"  Sometimes people who are nearing the end are scared about what it will be like from a physical perspective.  But they don't ask because... well because they are afraid, or they think they shouldn't, or they think that I should bring it up first.  So I do.  Mainly I want to alleviate any fears about the possibility of great suffering. 

However, there are many people who prefer to just work all this out alone, in their heads, or with a trusted friend.  Or if they are very lucky, a chaplain like my sister Dottie.  And, every once in a while, we get the opportunity to hear from someone going through a serious illness.  Someone who wants to share what their experience is like in a very public way.  I for one,  am always grateful to hear what they have to say.   

You might want to read this if you have wanted to have such a conversation.  The opportunity to ask anything you want, about something we don't talk about because we don't know what to say to a person who is dying, or their family.  Grab a glass of wine.  Make yourself comfortable.  You may want to read it twice. 

"... that is what I'm doing now:  I am making a shape for my death, so that I, and others, can see it clearly.  And I am making dying bearable for myself".

Thank you Cory Taylor for the signposts you have hung for all of us. 

Comments

[Paula]

Thank you for sharing this.

[jacki long]

Thanks so much Carol, this was so meaningful, eloquent & needed.