When I asked him to describe his pain, the 52 year old man with stage IV lung cancer, who was admitted to the hospital with severe shortness of breath, weakness, and pain, said "I've been shot 6 times and stabbed 4 times, but nothing has ever hurt as bad as this".
Our palliative care team was asked to see him to help with managing the pain, make sure he had a good understanding of what was going on with his cancer, and then figure out what was important to him. When asked what he was hoping for he said "I want to live, I have things to do". He quickly followed that with "I don't know what I did to deserve this". During our discussion he said he has heard "I am at the end of my rope", then he looked at us, and said "do you think I am going to die right away?"
We talked for a while, about lots of things - his tattoos (he said he now wished he hadn't gotten them all), how we do not believe anyone gets cancer as a result of something they have done (karma doesn't work that way), and that if we see signs to indicate he is dying soon we will tell him that (if he still wants to know). Right before we left he said "I hope the good lord gives me time to set things right and then lets me go peacefully" and he thanked us for visiting with him.
My point in sharing this with you is just this - at first glance I wondered what would be the shared experience that would allow us to connect in a meaningful way? Within about 5 minutes it was abundantly clear. Every single day, I see evidence that despite our differences, at the heart of it all, when we are faced with death, we have a lot more in common than you might imagine.
The second point (before one of you reminds me that the converse is also true) is that every once in a while, people you think you will be in synch with immediately, you are never able to establish rapport with. It keeps life interesting. I'll say that.
Thanks for the reminder...
Posted by: Susan | 02/27/2020 at 09:51 AM
Thank you for sharing wisdom. With your patients, and with us.
Posted by: Vicki in Michigan | 02/27/2020 at 04:15 PM
What a valuable job you have Carol, thanks for the people you help and inspire.
Posted by: jacki long | 02/28/2020 at 07:11 PM