the dream channel

Last night in my dreams I was on a never-ending loop of giving a talk about what it was like to be working in COVID-19 times, how the work flow had changed, what I was learning. In none of them was it going well.

The night before that I dreamt my roommate from college came and picked me up and we were driving somewhere and it always looked like she was going to crash into something but never did. When I commented on how that was possible she said the car was in "flying" mode. Then I looked around and all the other cars were flying too.

I can not recall what was playing on the dream channel the night before that, but I may need to keep track and seek help from a dream analyst. Or not. Uncertain times mean uncertain dreams? That seems pretty clear.

We are seeing some patients, with very severe cases of COVID-19, taking a long time to recover. I am not used to seeing patients for multiple weeks on end. It reminds me of the old days working on the oncology unit when I would get to know patients and their families so well.

And as in those days gone by, this week as I was saying good-bye to a couple of families I have been having zoom meetings with for many weeks, I got a little choked up. The 3 sisters whose mother is going to a long term acute care hospital to see if she will eventually be able to recover. She no longer needs to be in our hospital, but she is not waking up yet. To hear those girls say "I love you mama" through the iPad as they saw her on the screen cracks the heart wide open. Then there was the daughter and son and their mom whose father/husband is going to rehab to get stronger. All he wants is "pan dulce and galletas", which I told his daughter to absolutely put in the bag for him when she drops off his sweat pants and tennis shoes for rehab. I wanted to give her a big bear hug. Maybe someday.

All this to say that virtual technology may not be perfect, or even close to perfect, but when it's what you have to work with, you make do. This week will mark week #9 of COVID-19 palliative care duties. As I look back, on the 25th of March there were 55,148 cases of COVID-19 in the US. Today in the US there are 1,705,754 cases and 99,784 deaths. I can not guess what the final toll will be.

I am keeping the faith, washing my hands, wearing my mask in public, taking wonderful walks, appreciating nature, loving my back and front porches, reading books, writing in my journal, doing lots of Marco Polo'ing with family and friends, and making do. Hope you all are doing the same.