Tall Tales from Kansas

to come up with something equally irritating to say to me next year

Us Moss's just returned from Northern Arkansas/Southern Missouri for the annual celebration of Ray and Angie's Birthdays, the clean up at the cemetery, and spending time hanging out together.  Brother and I will tell you that the other essential part of this trip is the annual Moss Family Putt Putt Tournament. Which by the way, we take very seriously.

The photo taken at the beginning of the round, shows each face full of hope, optimistic that THIS year we will be the one who prevails.  



The winner, upon conclusion of the match, is allowed full gloating rights, which you see above. Brother is recounting the scores, checking my math, to be sure that he did in fact come in second place to me.

Pumpkins are the other important part of this trip.  Lots and lots of pumpkins. Pumpkins here, there, and everywhere.  





Carts full of big pumpkins, little pumpkins, white, warty, green, yellow, gray, stripey... all of them wonderful.







It is also customary at the end of the match to remind the person you beat by one point, that if they practice very diligently for the next 11 months, next year they may be the one taking the trophy home.



I don't think Brother was comforted by my remarks, but he has the next 300 plus days to come up with something equally irritating to say to me next year. IF he wins. 

who caddy fo' her daddy

Shortly after we began going to Big Cedar Lodge in 2014 to celebrate Ray and Angie's birthdays we started the Annual Moss Family Putt Putt tournament.  This year was the 4th official playing of the event.

 

This is all of us as we prepared to tee off.  Had I examined this photo carefully before we set off, I would have noted that look of ease and assuredness on Brother's face, and I would have stepped on his foot in order to handicap him slightly.  

Alas, I did not.  When he got a 5 on The Big Lunker hole, I thought I might be able to pull off a repeat of my win at the first annual tournament in 2015.

But my hopes were dashed with his hole in one on #5.  

This event was followed by a leisurely lunch at the Truman cafe, where we all carefully watched as the scores were tallied.

In the end, Brother brought it home with a 4 under for first place, followed by Dottie in second, me at third, Chris at #4, and Cheryl at #5. Dottie had the line of the day when, after sinking a long putt, she looked up and said "who caddy fo' her daddy?"

It brought us to tears laughing, and we haven't stopped saying it yet.  

he would approve of the pimento cheese but substitute Bourbon for the 360 Georgia peach vodka

Sunday at the Masters is a day that must be prepared for.  All weekend chores completed or re-assigned.  Seats arranged properly for comfort.  And of course, snacks planned well in advance.  My brother and I also discussed who we would like to see win and who we wish would win but likely won't, all while wearing our Master's hats (mine from 1998, his from 2015). As soon as I hung up the phone it was to the kitchen for the making of the pimento cheese spread.   

This is a great recipe.  2 cups coarsely grated sharp yellow cheddar (I substituted smoked gouda for the yellow cheddar) and 2 cups coarsely grated white cheddar.  1 cup chopped pimentos (drained). 1/2 cup mayo.  1/2 tsp celery salt.  Mix it all together, add pepper to taste, cover and chill.  I like mine to sit for at least 4 hours.  It gets even better after a day. 

Serving suggestion above.  Not shown are the trisquits that wouldn't fit on the plate.  Accompanied by a Fuzzy 360 - 2 oz 360 Georgia peach vodka, 2 oz orange juice, club soda.  Serve over ice. 

If your were taught the game of golf by Wilburn Ray Moss, Sr.  you watch the Masters on Sunday.  He would approve of the pimento cheese but substitute Bourbon for the 360 Georgia peach vodka.  And absolutely no on the club soda. 

just off the fairway, in the pine straw

Just because I can not be with my people in Augusta this week, relishing the traditions of golf, does not mean that I can't still derive maximum enjoyment from the television coverage.  Good stuff like Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Gary Player as they get the tournament started, shots of Amen corner, interviews with classy people like Ernie Els, the azalea's, and everything that follows for the next 3 days. 

I got things off to a good start tonight after work by whipping up a batch of smoked Gouda pimento cheese.

I will be introducing my office mates to a new tradition tomorrow.  Though we won't be standing just off the fairway, in the pine straw, enjoying the sights and sounds of the most beautiful golf course in the world, we can at least pretend we are there as we enjoy a small taste of the place. 

If you want to make it:  2 cups each freshly grated smoked gouda and sharp cheddar, 1 cup drained pimentos, 1/2 cup mayo, 1/2 tsp celery salt.  Mix it up and dig in. 

that look on my brothers face might make them second guess allowing us on the grounds

I received an e-mail from the Credentials Committee at Augusta National today.  In said e-mail they kindly informed me that the random selection process for the 2015 Practice Rounds tickets had been completed.  They further said they regretted to inform me that my application was not selected for tickets.  Drat!  I knew I should have told them I had a golf journal and enclosed this picture in my application.

I'll know better next year.  I see no reason not to embellish my application a little.  It never hurts to stand out in the minds of the folks at the Masters tournament.  Even though that look on my brothers face might make them second guess allowing us on the grounds.

I cheered myself up by getting out my Masters tumbler and making a pumpkin iced coffee with dizzy three espresso vodka and torani coffee syrup. 

Best decision I made all day. 

Someone asked about how I make cold brewed coffee a while back.  It's a breeze.  Take 1 part coarsely ground coffee and  4 parts water (1/2 cup grounds + 2 cups water will give you  1 1/2 cups of cold brew) put it in a french press coffee maker and stick it in the refrigerator overnight.  Press it.  If you want, you can strain it through a filter as well.   Pour over ice and add milk and whatever else you like in your iced coffee. I have a tray of coffee iced cubes in the freezer downstairs but I forgot about them in my haste!  Great way to used leftover regular coffee and it keeps your iced coffee from tasting even one bit watered down. 

 

longing for a glimpse of magnolia lane and the sound of a southern accent

No, it is not wrapped in green wax paper.  No, it did not cost $1.50.  No, it is not served on white bread.  Yes, it is pimento-cheese spread.  Yes, it is homemade.  Yes, I am eating it while I drink a Green Jacket martini. 

The pimento cheese spread recipe came from Bon Appetit by way of my brother.  We find it a perfectly acceptable substitute for the Augusta National recipe.  

Pimento Cheese Spread
2 cups white cheddar, 2 cups yellow cheddar, 1 cup strained chopped pimentos, 1/2 cup mayo, 1/2 tsp celery salt, dash of tabasco or cayenne pepper if you so desire.  Grate cheeses.  Mix all ingredients and let rest for an hour or so before serving so the flavors blend. 

I invented the Green Jacket Martini several years ago while I was watching the tournament on TV,  longing for a glimpse of Magnolia Lane and the sound of a southern accent. 

Green Jacket Martini
1 shot vanilla vodka
1 shot peach schnapps
1 shot apricot (or peach) nectar - I have used both and I like the apricot a bit better
1 tsp. frozen limeade concentrate - I use minutemaid
Pour all ingredients in a martini shaker packed with ice and shake away.  Strain into martini glass.

Turn on the TV and put on your Pork Pie hat.  Grinning is optional. 

giants of the game so close you could reach out and touch them

These 4 people have died and gone to heaven.   Well they haven't died but they are in heaven.  Golfers Heaven.  Augusta National - home of The Masters Golf Tournament.

If I close my eyes right now I can smell the pine straw, I can taste a pimento cheese sandwich, I can feel the thick carpet of grass under my feet. 

I can not begin to tell you what it feels like to see these giants of the game so close you could reach out and touch them.  So engaging with the patrons.  Such gentlemen.  Ahhh.    In case you don't know it's Masters Week.   We will again be there in spirit while we watch each and every moment unfold before us on TV.  In the meantime I better get out my pimento cheese spread AND green jacket martini recipes. 

Which way to the first tee and what's the course record?

My Dad taught me to play golf when I was in my mid 30's.  He used to come up for a visit and when I got home from work he would have the clubs loaded up in the car and be ready to head out for a quick 9 holes.  We'd go out to the course and I would tee off on each hole then pick up my ball and hit with him from his ball.   Once on the green we would each putt our own balls.  He didn't try and fill my head with too much instruction.   Important things however were stressed... clean your clubs and shoes after every round, follow proper etiquette, don't hold people up on the course.   In the evenings at home, we had putting contests on the living room rug and maybe a few words about the proper way to grip a club. 

 
Some things he didn't teach me include:  carrying a photo of my cats on my bag, decorating my golf balls with big swirly flowers, and keeping a golf journal.   I figured those out all on my own. 

 
This is my dad around 1965 in Athens Greece.  As soon as he approached a new course he would say - "hmmm wonder which way to the first tee and what the course record is".   Dad taught my brother and nephew to play as well.  They are consistently good players.   But for the moment, my dad and I are the only ones in the family with 2 holes-in-one apiece.  Given the choice, I would prefer to have a 6 or 7 handicap (like they do) instead of a 33 (like I do) and let them have the 2 holes in one, but I had no say so in the matter.  So I take what I can get and celebrate BIG when the good moments come.

 

My dad taught me that too.